When was the last time you had “me-time” and how did you spend that time?
This past Saturday I got to ski, which is my favorite sport/ hobby. It started off a disaster, my feet hurt on my first run so I went to get my boots reshaped. I waited an hour to have them reshaped and could not stop thinking of the time and money that was being wasted. Since my son was born, we make it up to Mammoth only one weekend a year, so there is pressure to make it count. The victimy thoughts started going through my head sitting there.. I just acknowledged them, sat in them and let them pass through me so I wouldn’t hold onto them. I had adjusted my expectations for the day right around the time my boots were finished.
Skiing ended up being magical, I had perfect moments in the trees where no one was around, it was snowing, silent, I felt confident and so serene. That is the flow that I crave. Motherhood has made it more difficult to stay in the present, to shrug things off, perhaps this will get easier as time goes by. Now it takes more to clear my cache and find the NOW: where everything is okay, where everything is magical, where the brain isn’t calculating, analyzing, planning, etc. Where I just am. I try to find this when I take ‘me time’.
What are some of your favourite ways to practice self care?
My first year postpartum I got a membership to a spa. The membership included one massage per month and felt a tad luxurious. It felt important to make sure I was getting that quiet self care time.
I also love the power of journaling and emptying my head onto the page. There is magic in writing your way through all the big feelings of motherhood.
Lastly, therapy has helped immensely. My partner and I have couples therapy every other week and I have my own therapy once a week. My therapist had me start group therapy after becoming a mother. She facilitates groups for people who have childhood trauma. It consists of weekly homework, a lot of inner child work, re-parenting our child and it keeps me accountable to be and become the mother I always wish I had to inner child and my son.
What advice would you give to mamas struggling to create “me-time”? How do you make time in your schedule for yourself?
Having healthy communication with my partner about personal time is where it starts for me. My partner, Kevin, can spot when I need to step away usually before I can. We are good with dividing personal time on weekends and we push each other to do so. We have a routine of drinking tea before bed and sometimes I take it into the bedroom to read or journal. Just those few minutes can be a great start and do wonders.
I also feel setting goals is important. When I was newly postpartum I signed up for a marathon and committed to doing it. It was my second marathon and I would need to really train after gaining half my body weight during pregnancy. Training for that marathon was the biggest teacher in forcing me to take ‘me time’. I would not recommend anyone do a marathon as newly postpartum as I was, 8 months, but having a goal and committing to something is another great way to start ‘me time’. I just finished doing a 100 days of yoga, well I didn’t get to 100 days, but it got me on the mat and jumpstarted me back to taking care of myself by slowing down. Next up might be 30 days of meditation.
My default would be to spend every moment with my son. Fortunately, I know how important it is for both of us that I have autonomy. We cannot give if we are empty.